Enclosed in a predetermined car crash, (I'm suffering from ataxia once again)
The streetlights impale the pavement, confusion impaling reason
By mistake, or perhaps a motive for temporary amnesia
I have been taken under intoxication for the last time
Everything feels like nothing matters
Although it's possible what matters hasn't all been lost...yet
And I start to remember her (the only thought vodka hasn't impaired)
The visuals becoming almost too real...
And then there she was, her frail body next to mine
Her blood soaking the interior (a constant reminder of my misfortunes)
And somehow, amidst this horrifying accident, disoriented I remain
Like a dove, she lay peacefully, her smile as golden as the sun
And even though it has been a year since the incident (since I declared sobriety)
I can still remember the last words she whispered so very long ago...
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy;
for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves;
we must die to one life before we can enter another." [Anatole France]
I am still alive. I am breathing, despite my deepest faults and regrets.
To sum up life in these three words has been my hardest accomplishment yet:
It goes on.
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